I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Randomize
