She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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