Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Hippo gnu deer
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
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