I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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