if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
