no, he came in my armpit
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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