can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Randomize
