went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
