How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
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