"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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