Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Randomize