She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
