I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Randomize
