Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
