I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Randomize
