My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
barbara walters just said penis...
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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