I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
