We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
