Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
