Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
