I'm gonna have a badass scar
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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