brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Randomize
