Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
