Screwed.edu
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
