my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
