Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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