He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
