I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
