sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
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