Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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