Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
