Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
