Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
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