I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
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