WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
