if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Randomize
