In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
