The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
