What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Randomize
