the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
