how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
