sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
You need Xanax blowdarts
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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