i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
