i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
