I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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