after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
