So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
