when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
