3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
