you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
