The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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