The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
sex in a hospital.. check
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Randomize
