operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I am mentally ready for anal.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
