He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
