haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Randomize
