i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
