Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
