i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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